It’s been ages since I've last blogged. The fact is that I just don’t have the time. There are so many things I’ve wanted to write about - like the Mylapore festival, my exhibition, my project… but then there is no time and I keep thinking later, let me do it later.. and then it never happens. And if I do finally find the time, the event or incident or whatever is no longer easy to write about. That piece of memory is left just that – a memory. So now, when overwork has finally made me fall sick and take a couple of days off, I'm going to try filling the gap.
I shall write about my Accident.
It wasn’t even a very impressive accident as far as accidents go. And the fact that my mom, my aunt and my brother managed to have one each in the same week kinda robs it of its distinctiveness as well. I mean, if I had to have an accident, why couldn’t I have one without competition in the bargain?? Well, at least I seem to have set a trend…
Anyway, as my first accident while riding a bike, it deserves mention and I shall immortalize it for posterity. Or till my page crashes anyway…
Well, a couple of my cousins had come over and being dead bored, we decided to head over to Spencers. Now even on a normal day, I dislike hanging out in Spencers which is one of the dullest places to be. As in what the hell does one do?? Other than window shop? And how long can anyone window shop anyway? Basically I dislike the atmosphere of the place and go there as rarely as possible.
Back to the story, the six of us set off on three bikes, I riding the TVS 50 which I happen to loathe. My mom and sister and brother and…ok, my family thinks I don’t like being seen on it cos it’s old and beat up. Not true. As in, it is old and beat up and has been in the family for a few centuries, but I don’t like it cos it’s so SLOW!! The pickup is miserable, the rearview mirrors are absent, as are the indicators and the horn. And one more thing, as I later found out.
Well, here we are on Kutchery Road (note, not even an important main road far from home but my local Kutchery Road!!) and I'm riding behind Sangeetha who has appropriated the Activa and is gleefully trying out different speed variants. Suddenly this guy cuts into her path, she brakes, I brake, discover that the brakes are in keeping with the style of the bike – a few centuries old, I slam into Sangu’s bike and with David executing a neat escape off the bike in ways that put in my mind rats and sinking ships, only yours truly is left sprawling in the middle of the road.
Someone lifts the bike off; I pick myself off the road. . At any other time, I would have found the scene funny. Sangeetha is screaming at the idiot who cut in her path, Francis restarts the bike for me; Amuthan asks me if I want to see the doctor. Do I? Hmmm, only the knee hurts other than the bruised dignity. I mean, at least if I had a broken leg and concussion or something to show for having had an accident, it is one thing. But one slightly aching knee? The maanam is the issue for sure.
Well, the guy has given up trying to out-yell Sangeetha, a rather pointless task as I well know and is taking off. I limp to the side of the road and try to dust myself off as best as I can. On the scene appear two cops. We beat it. Bad enough having an accident, there was no need to get caught without a license as well. By the time we reach Spencers, its time for me to head back to sing for the wedding mass…
Well, it was later in the night that the body pain started. And continued for the next couple of very painful days. So all the souvenir I had left from the accident was a body pain I remember from my first land work and gym session and an interestingly purple knee. Definitely not as spectacular or half as dramatic as falling into the Adyar river…or as unique. How many people do you know who have an intimate knowledge of the depths of the Adyar River?? Ah, that experience was worth the indignity… what audience, what applause…
(This is merely a light hearted sketch of the incident and I do not want any comments telling me severely that I should be thankful that it wasn’t more serious. I am.)

College reopens tomorrow. Hmmm.. It’s a day three. That means I have three hours of MO – advanced design. And I haven’t done the mood boards. Well, you deserve it; you put it off till the last minute. What about the scribbles for the silk screed motif? Not even started? Very good! What do you plan on doing now, Ms. Smarty? You are royally screwed, you know that? Oh my God, what about the project? No research at all done! AM Davierwalla? Don’t even know who the guy is, how the hell do I do a seminar on him?? And there’s nothing on google search too! What’ll I do? What’ll I DO?? Mylapore festival? Nothing done. Folk art? Uh huh. Aiyo… I'm so screwed! What did you waste time for?? I didn’t, amma needed help for Christmas, Shilpa came over… I needed a break, dammit! Yeah, right. Final year, babe, make the sacrifices! Come on, you could have made the time! No, I couldn’t! Fine! Do what you want now. Catholic doctrine assignment! Procedure of marriage followed by the Catholic Church. Why the hell do I have to work on something like that now?? Procedure for marriage, it seems. Chee! Aiyo, mobilization for the Diocesan retreat! Have to talk to Sr. Colleen, have to prepare announcements.. Hmmm, must speak to jenny tomorrow.. Friday prayer meeting!! Don’t panic. DON’T PANIC!! Deep breath, Sheila! Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe.. KOLAMS!! Oh s*** forgot completely about that stupid Divercity workshop! Good, continue forgetting about it, it’s too late to do anything now, so leave it. Now concentrate on tomorrow. Finish the mood boards and the scribbles. But the folk art and the.. No, leave it. Be practical, think, Sheila! You can handle this. You’ll survive, you always do. Deep breath. Now say a short prayer. Good, now go and start.

Stress gone. Thank you, blog page.

ON LOOKING BACK…
Year 2005.
Each year has its own set of memories, some pleasant, some depressing, some painful, some exhilarating. All unforgettable. Well, 2005has been no different in that regard, I guess. A very unforgettable year, if not anything else.
Memories, memories.
In a lot of ways, it has been a brilliant year. Academically, for instance. Hmm, so what new have I done? I've made a lot of new friends, met a lot of different people, started singing after a really long gap, spoken in front of groups for the first time, got involved in a lot more extra-curricular activities than ever before, had my first exhibition, attended my first ever western classical concert, went to the Divine Retreat Centre for the first (and only!) time, broke my personal record writing mails(!), learned to ride a Yamaha (kinda!), took on tons of responsibility and found I could actually deal with it, started blogging!, faced my fear of water and forced myself to swim in the deep end of the pool, had my first serious job, made stupid decisions, some good ones, broken my heart, put it back together, learnt to deal with depression, torn myself down, rebuilt myself, and I am all the stronger for this year. I have learnt to love and to hate. I have learnt it is ok to make mistakes and I have learnt to forgive myself for not being perfect. It has been on of the most packed years in my life and I don’t think I have ever worked harder. And for all its pain and depression, it has been worth it. I have survived. And not just survived, I have a lot to show for it.
There are a lot of things I need to set right, a lot of unfinished goals, a lot of dreams, plenty of uncertainties, fears and worries. But I also have a lot of supportive people around me, people who build me up and help me grow. And best of all, I have my God. Do I need anyone else?
Looking back after some time is, I don’t know, much more important than looking forward. Time blunts the sharpness of pain or disappointment and highlights the good times and interesting memories. There is a feeling of mellowness, I can understand things, look at them much more objectively after a while, after all the passion and emotion has drained away. There are so many things to be learnt from past experiences. Life is not always fair, in fact, it is most often not, but the key lies in learning to deal with it. Life teaches me so many little things. Looking back, although painful at times has made sure I watch my step in the second round.
This is a brand new year. I don’t know what it holds in store for me but I do know it will be eventful and memorable, perhaps more memorable than this one that is just passed. I don’t know. But I do know that I won’t be alone. I do know that I’ll have people who love me and will be there for me. And I do know that I cannot let myself break for any reason cos that is not what I am meant to do. And hopefully, I will learn to be a much better human being.
I welcomed 2006 with a prayer in my heart; a prayer that much more than I expect, I must learn to give, to love and to serve. And when I find my heart at peace, I will know that I have drawn one step nearer my goal, this goal that can never be achieved completely.
Yo, 2006!