Culmination of a brilliant day. Had a blast. My cousin was staying over and we had so much fun, jammed in the evening, went for a party and got a gift. An unusually good day. Should have known it was too good to last. Ended it with a royal, all out screaming fight.
I don’t think I’ve lost my temper this bad for months…
I wonder why life is so complicated for me. Everyone understands life or think they do. I envy those who think they do. At least they’ve got it all figured out. Sometimes I don’t think I have a life. I just exist. Its so pointless. Nothing I do makes a difference. All I seem to do is mess up things worse than they were before. My awful temper. I thought I’d managed to get a grip on it. I say things I don’t mean, things that hurt and then in a little while, my temper’s gone but the damage is done. I feel horrible, but what’s the point? I try very hard to make amends even when the other person provoked the loss of temper. Well, words can never be taken back. How do I deal with someone who tells me they won’t be friends anymore? Who says I don’t know them at all and its better we don’t talk anymore. What does one do when apologizing doesn’t help? When the other person is so objectively cool? How can I deal with someone telling me they don’t care anymore what happens to me? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.
Worst part was that it wasn’t even my fault. When someone does something that hurts u and u ask them about it, u don’t expect them to tell u it’s not a big deal, so what if I did? U don’t expect the person to yell at u and u don’t expect to find u trying to defend yourself. I shocked myself with my anger, I think. Well, its over. I've said I'm sorry. I don’t think I can do anything else. I don’t want to do anything else. The fact still remains that I’m miserable and that I hate me.
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